Idea for how to create a piece this summer in a different way using same materials. The thought came to me in the shower this morning; now gotta get the people asap and go. Enough bullshit about it.
So today I found out the actual reason why I lost the group training space. I was told by one person who lives at the space (but does not own it) that 1) he did ask the owner and she was fine with it 2) I could definitely use it Sunday afternoons. The owner at first was iffy about it, which is why I asked again if it was definitely okay if I used the space. Today I found out that the owner was actually NOT informed about my use of the space! So of course she was not okay with finding out I was using it, it was not “official use”, etc. Honestly that is kind of shitty that I was told that she was cool with it when she apparently was not informed/asked in the first place. It lets down both me and the group when we are told we can use a space weekly only to have it actually be a secret without us knowing it’s a secret…ugh. Disappointed to hear about this. I’m going to have to talk with him and see what the actual story is.
So I had a talk with the owner today about if it would actually be possible to continue the group at the dojo after all. Couple things came up:
1) Can’t be on Sundays anymore, or Saturdays. Would have to find a weeknight.
2) Would have to be open to the public. Though I originally invited physical theatre folks, I did reach out to other artists and since I’m not 100% set in stone on if I want to be working with very experienced or less experienced people, I could be open to this.
3) Would have to somehow involve community outreach, to be more in line with the owner’s vision of the space’s events. That’s not something I’m averse to, it just wasn’t in the original plan. I’m interested in brainstorming to figure out possibilities for that. At least she has no problem with the content of the training.
So, it would be a very different kind of group than before, I would think. I’m going to think/discuss about how community outreach could even work into what I’ve been doing, and if that’s a direction I/we would want the group to head in. I’m open to suggestions about that. Do I reshape the group in this way, or do I narrow my focus in a different direction and keep it more of a private ensemble? To be determined.
What have I been doing lately?
For those who don’t know:
-I walked on a slackline for the first time. It’s pretty difficult but other balance-y training helped me, I feel.
-I am rehearsing for a Shakespeare Slam with some good actors: the rude mechs scene, which is really just fun.
-Building upper body strength again: I will climb the rope to the top of the tree before summer ends.
-Will do the DE summer intensive again May-June.
-Tours start soon: my first tours are April 25th.
-Talking with other movement/theatre people about, well, movement. I could talk about it forever. To Aaron, to Emerson students, to DE alums, to other new acquaintances.
-Taking a break from yoga: at least for now, I’m finding aspects of it contradict with what I’m trying to improve in myself. 1) I do not want to manipulate my breath manually! 2) I want to move in efficient ways; yoga tends to include a bunch of “extra” stuff that tones the muscles but is “unnecessary” to the actual movement. I want to do things that are naturally more difficult or dynamic, rather than do something relatively easy that is made harder artificially. Really these things tend to come with the higher level vinyasa classes. Relaxing/gentle yoga not so much, so I’m going with gentle yoga occasionally, with primal practice + running + training + other (parkour??). Primal practice is really sort of a mix between parkour elements, acrobatics, large object work, developmental movement, and martial arts.
- Work: babysitting, teaching after school classes, doing clown gigs.
-Physical actor training in some form or another 1-2x week. Was at the dojo (in JP), now trying some things out with Emerson students, possibly also at Northeastern or somewhere else…
-Occasionally house managing at Apollinaire Theatre: a place I’ve had a somewhat unsteady relationship with, but they kindly let me use a space in exchange (this is the inconvenient location)
-Anxiously waiting for a final document to complete my official MA application…got into Song of the Goat grad program via auditions but still have to get paperwork in and deal with money stuff. Yeah this is the big thing: going to grad school in the fall. I just want to make my last summer in Boston a productive one in the meantime.
I feel like I continue being thwarted here in one way or another. Collaborator essentially bails though maybe that was inevitable, but honestly after a year and a half of work together it is hard to take and is ultimately disappointing…so much of my own personal effort for almost 2 years was put into that work which was quite focused on the fact that there were two of us. Also more recently I just lost a group training space for the second time for reasons outside of my control (I’m searching for other people to work with). That’s the risk of getting to use a space for free I suppose, but man this one was so good. Technically I do have access to another rehearsal space, though it’s not quite as good, and mostly it’s damn inconvenient to get to, and I am hesitant to tell everyone that that is our new official space. I’ve already had plenty of issues with people getting themselves to the more convenient space. I’m waiting to hear from some other leads and I’ll decide soon enough…in any case I will have a new group space at some point.
I still enjoy going to the dojo, and moving and training in a way I believe is complementary to theatre training. The beautiful outdoor space, the tall trees, ropes to climb or walk across, the indoor studio…really ideal. A place where people move and that energy is all over the place. A place of exchange. But it’s slowly becoming less of what it originally set out to be, a place for less physical practices, less openness. I did just watch a clown performance there a few days ago and it was more original and uplifting than other theatre I’ve seen in a while. But it seems that the dojo is becoming less of a place for that kind of work, and it’s a shame.
But being there, training there in a different way with Aaron, is very uplifting to me, is beneficial to my acting/physical performance, and is part of what I want to be doing, even if it is not “for theatre” directly.
What I’ve been wanting to do is work with a group. Ideally, create and show work this summer. Lead less experienced people (college kids)? It’s interesting to do and helpful to me for sure, and in some ways is more accessible than working with more experienced artists, and yes I love discussing different theories/techniques as well as leading, but I’ve been searching for those who are currently out there doing the thing, making work, etc. I’ve connected with/met different kinds of people with different levels of experience lately and have worked a few months to get some work going. Slowly, but hopefully surely, it’s gaining momentum, and I’m grateful for the trainings that I have done with these few people. But there are more times than I’d like when no one shows up.
I could work alone. Maybe I should be more grateful for still having my other space, and technically being able to go and work by myself. It’s an interesting challenge and I’ve certainly done it before, but you know, I just don’t want to. Even if I made a solo piece, I would need some other people involved. I want to make something like that happen this summer. Take my work over the last 2 years, not let it get thrown away, but fashion it into something else.
I don’t want to feel so frustrated and so anxious about my work, my training, and being in Boston. Maybe for now, talking about movement practices and Grotowski and meeting with people and occasionally exploring training is enough. All of these things, the loss of space, the numerous disappointments, are quite temporary, and I know that this is not the place for me. If all works out then I’ll be with Song of the Goat by September. I want to really get better at this, I want to find people who I can really work with, who have similar experiences; I want to make things with people. I want to break through and make what I really want to make, and get the chance to share it with others. Can I honestly say that I’ve really done that yet? Only the tiniest bit. I’m grateful for Double Edge and I’ve certainly considered going back, like really going back. But it’s not the right place right now for me to be long term. But here, there is a disconnect, largely, with how I’d like to work and apparently how anyone else actually does…maybe I’m not communicating properly. Maybe I’m going about it in the wrong way.
Mind frustrated by present and past inconveniences, longing for the future for things to happen, sick of not being able to appreciate the present moment most of the time…but that’s up to me.
Hey I’m going to try to post other things in this tumblr more often…sure they’ll probably have to do with physical theatre…but I want to expand my tumblr horizons…
What I don’t know:
- Where my show will be produced
- To what extent my original collaborator will be a part of the overall piece
- If the piece will completely retain its original structure or not
What I know:
- The show will happen in the summer
- I am submitting to fringe festivals
- I now have multiple collaborators/designers attached
- The way of working/process of collaboration will change somewhat
- How I want to refine the details and subtleties of each scene
- After this project I will not live in Boston for at least one year
Time to reevaluate.
The reasons have to do with things that are personal and fundamental, and I’m not going to get into them here in a very specific way.
As of now, the story we were setting out to tell, that of two people losing each other and asking what it takes to find each other again, having moments of connectivity and then losing them, and repeat…has been oddly mirrored outside of the rehearsal space, and though over and over I ask what does it take for us to find ourselves and each other again…the question seems to be turning into, What happens when after all of the losing and refinding, the moments of finding begin occurring less and less often? What happens when that person doesn’t show up, and despite all I give out, or all that I listen for, there is static in the transmission, and I encounter no one after all?
Some of the time, in the piece, when there’s a knock at the door, I open it, and no one is there, but then, someone does appear through a different door, maybe not exactly the person I was expecting, but still, someone present. But what happens when I expect there to be someone entering the room but I end up encountering no one, not even through another door? I try to make contact by metaxy, by forming a bridge, by leaving signs and letters and sounds and omens; maybe they are here in the same room but we just can’t see each other yet so maybe our connection has to be more ouija board style… Or is what I can connect to actually something else entirely?…
I don’t know what the future of my project will be. It’s not over… It seems to be at a standstill though. We haven’t made any drastic new decisions. I know that plans for it have to change. I feel disappointed (also concern and care rather than anger), and frustrated that our original plans and structure of the piece will not feasibly work out unless there is that drastic change. If we want to make the change necessary to continue on our original trajectory, it’s really a change that I cannot personally be in charge of making. Frustrated that I feel a bit powerless over this change.
I do have the power to make other changes but would have to really alter the course of everything in that case. It would be a painful change to make especially after all of our work together for all this time.
It may have to become something very different, so much so that it becomes really a different project with a different story being told.
Maybe though, it will just have a clearer story, maybe some of my questions are being answered; maybe this was going to be the story this whole time.
Still to be determined. Waiting.